Saturday, April 26, 2014

Captain's Log... The Roller Coaster...

No permission whatsoever...
Oddly this seems like a very appropriate picture for my season with the Finks.

This is a real roller coaster where you can strap yourself on and ride down. Thrilling?! Yes, please and twice on Sunday. Scary?! Darn too-tin!... with an extra helping of WTF!

My season has had some ups and downs but I'm sticking with it... two more regular season games and some challenge matches. It's gonna be tight and somebody and something is getting cut unless I get really lucky.


Used without permission from one of the 'Ice Age' movies
This is the typical look of me and my rats nowadays when we face an opponent regardless of what team it is!

Crime Report #8 - Up from being down... or 'The Roller Coaster'

Ladies and Gentlemen... and all the tentacled beings in the cheap seats... We salute you!

The Finks have been chewed up and spit out but on this sunny day where the passing should have been a problem it was not even considered. The rats faced a Norse team whose fans showed up in droves from the west and brought their own 'ice blocks' to sit on. So the 11,000 fans of the Norsica Vikings sat on their cold butts while the 'Rat Swarm' (the Finks nickname for their fans) of 6,000 rallied behind their team on the opposite side of the pitch waiting for the match to begin.

Fortune smiled upon the Finks, or the hefty coercion of Fat Tony, and only one of the overly strong Were-bears made it to the field for the Vikings. Unfortunately, the Vikings bribes brought and kept the chainsaw welding Star Plaer Helmut Wulf  playing for a goodly amount of regular match play.

Chainsaw welding players, or fools in football uniforms, are not to be taken lightly. Even with the chance of the smoke belching machine of death kicking back on the user it must be taken into consideration at all times. It only takes once to become fertilizer for the playing field... during the match!

We the Finks won the coing toss and elected to recieve the ball in the first half. Being down a blitzer and playing with two journeymen, trying to make their way to the team after the death of a line-rat last week, meant we needed to start the drive down the field and score quickly to play defense with a full roster. Or so that was the plan...

The ball was kicked well into fink Territory but a fart in the wind blew it out of bounds where one of the 'Rat Swarm' handed it to Lucky Mikey who was already to run down the field and score in one play. Mikey has made many scores but the last few games he has tripped over his own feet as he sprinted the last yard to the goal line. Today was no exception and he tripped, tried to recover, and still fell to the turf. Fans of the Vikings threw chunks of ice at him while he was prone and ended up stunning him while the ball bounced towards a Norsica player. That was strike one for Mikey...

The Vikings capitalized on the turnover and quickly formed a cage around their ball carrier and ground their way down the pitch with Helmut Wulf using his biting device to moderate success. He swung and stunned a couple of rats but at one point the machine kicked-back at him with no ill effect.

During the Vikings drive, the finks did manage to foul one Norsica line-man to reduce their numbers, but it wouldn't make much of a difference. Luck was still with the Finks as their 'survival' instincts kicked in...

As the Vikings trotted (we say walked  behind their back) down the field the Finks mounted an adhoc defense. Little Nicky our blitzer, Raphael the Wolf, and the other members of the team managed to strip the ball from the Vikings ball carrier and SinSynn 'Two-Tails' the Breeze manage to throw the infamous 'Hail Mary Pass'.

A throw of that distance, the technique, and the sheer fact that it's always inaccurate makes the 'Hail Mary' a desperate maneuver. Leo and Donnie were within the vicinity of where the ball eventually landed but didn't have any chance to catch it. The Vikings were in disarray and nowhere near the landing spot nor could they reach it in time before Leo to pick up the ball and run it into the end-zone as time expired for the first half.

The Vikings received the ball in the second half and began the same tried and true grind into Fink territory. The fans however were itching to get into the fight and someone from the Norse sideline threw a rock and knocked Mikey of the pitch for this drive. I suppose it could have been worse but our fragile super star player is enduring and would return later. This was strike two...

The Norse men and their beasts did their best but the protection of the ball became most important to them and some of the players were out of position.

Making the most of the chainsaw being thrown out of the game... no more bribes apparently... the Finks ganged up on the Yeti and lone were-bear trying to get them off the field of play. In tandem they were stunned or knocked prone but try as the might the rats didn't have enough to get them out of the game... so the the Vikings scored.

Tie Game...

Kicking the ball back to the Finks, SynSinn snatched it up quickly and tossed it to Mikey who lined up on the line of scrimmage from being knocked out during the last drive. Off Mikey went and once again a single yard from the end-zone he tripped over his two feet and stunned himself this time without the  help of the fans. This was strike three...

The Norsica Vikings and their fans almost deafened everyone with the noise they made after the fall of Mikey and the subsequent turnover of the ball. The Norse played for the tie...

Never count a good rat out or the determination of the Finks to endure.

With the clock running down the Vikings managed to get into Fink territory but didn't have enough time to score. In an oversite the Norse looked like they outran their cage defense but it opened up the ball carrier for one, and only one, chance.

The 'Rat Swarm' cheered, Little Nicky got up to guard his fellow rats, Donnie and the Wolf assisted where they could while the back-up thrower, the 'Greasy Thumb' blitzed the ball carrier... and the ball bounced out of any tackle zone for the Norse.

With the clock left with seconds of play, Leo pounced upon the ball and passed to Mikey who was the only player left with the ability to score... and he was off to redeem himself. Never looking back, Lucky Mikey ran into the end-zone and won the game for the Finks.

It wasn't a nail biter but it wasn't a walk in the park either. The Finks clearly had their work cut out for them with all the additions and subtractions to the team roster since the beginning of the season.

The MVP for the game though was not given to Mikey but to the lone journey-rat who became a meber of the team and on a winning night. Unfortunately the other journey-rat will have to wait till later in attempt to become one of the  Finks.

To be honest the Fink front office was sweating the game. Now at 3-3-1 for the season the playoffs are still in question due to the nature of the league. It is what it is though...

I salute you and hope you will have a refreshing 'Bladnoch X' and celebrate our victory!

Till next match...

Official Fink Lawyer and Spokesman
John Walker Redd
Retired Cornerstone Blocker

1 comment:

  1. SinSynn deserved da game ball, buddeh.

    Anywho- dat was da awesome. Thanks so much fer da laff, and good luck heading into yer next game!