Friday, May 2, 2014

Captain's Log... Karma...

Maybe... maybe not...
Loyal readers, coveted fans, and farts in the wind...

My season continues to be a game by game grind through Blood Bowl. This week was no different and I managed to squeeze out two games.

It continues to go up and down with no continuity. The only thing that makes sense is karma. What goes around comes around. What I am really doing is piecing together are words to describe this season... adversity, endurance, karma, faith, respite...

Crime Report #9 - The Boot and the Grind

Ladies and Gentlemen... and everyone on the knife edge with the Finks...

The week started out rough. Not rough like sandpaper but rough like being pushed into gravel, or in the case of the Finks first opponent, into the river bank. The Bayou Brawlers, a Lizardman team, were met in the middle of a blizzard which effected the rats more then reptiles.

We shouldn't complain seeing as it was a 'challenge' match and was being played for glory and gold, but we will complain none the less. It's what we do we do when were beat up.

The snow affected the throwing of the match and only short or quick passes were possible due to the limited visibility. You would think the cold would slow down the lizards and skinks but no... it did not. We here in the Finks front office think that some sort of illegal 'pocket warmer' was used to keep the blood flowing in Brawlers veins.

Mikey was effected by the cold as well. Twice during the match he ran down the field made it to the goal line and tripped over his own tow feet. Twice, dos, double... Our super star certainly displayed his clown like reflexes and didn't manage to score single touchdown. Fat Tony was not pleased but 'eating' him was too much to stomach... literally... since he ate a few of the crowd between plays. A couple of bacon-wrapped hot dog vendors are missing too along with all their supplies. The League officials are investigating but we're pretty sure they won't find anything.

If it could have gone wrong, it did go wrong. SinSynn 'TwoTails' the breeze failed to dodge out of the way of the big lizards, Raphael the Wolf leaped over the reptiles line and fell down, and Little Nicky, our blitzer, spent most of the game being treated for injuries due to the tail lashing he was receiving on the team.

At the end of play the Lizards had managed to score five touchdowns due to dropped balls and punishment. I suppose beating them twice earlier in the season motivated them a little.

The Finks have something that other teams don't. What you say? A never say die attitude... unless you are a red shirted, no name, rat in his first game and 'fail'... then Fat Tony will eat you for dinner... because that's what he does... with a little Warnog and ketchup.

Earlier this afternoon the Finks, minus Rahpael the Wolf due to injury, faced off against the eighth out of nine regular season opponents.

The Super Pactastic Renegades coached by Super Jay Dillon thundered onto the field with their troll, ogre, Minotaur, and mighty beast-men. Esmerelda their star dark elf and some goblin, whose name is very forgettable, also took the field with the 'Pactastics'.

Esmerelda is comparable to Mikey when it comes to leaping over the line of scrimmage and handling the ball, while the goblin is capable of being thrown down the field by one of his own team mates. Esmerelda is the one you have to watch out for and the goblin... well... only if he fails to stick the landing. Amusing for sure but if he lands on his dirty little feet it he can be a threat like our Skaven runners. Today he earned a niggling injury trying to show his fans he could score in one play. We here in the Finks front office swear that the ground shook from our fans cheering at his demise!

The first half was a grind. 'Jay', who might be part mocking-jay, knew what he was doing but failed to get any of the Finks off the field despite his strength advantage of the three big  mentioned earlier. Fat Tony even managed a rare chuckle when the ogre and troll failed to do anything for several plays either together or one after each other. The animosity on the team didn't have much effect but the bone-headed ogre played into the Finks claws and stood around for a few plays drooling and chewing on his own fingers.

Using a tried and true 'cage defense' like many other teams the Pactastics made their way down the pitch trying to run down the clock leaving no time for Mikey to score... and that didn't happen.

Since Mikey can score in one play it sometimes comes down to a game of 'patience' for the opposing coach to score. Leave to much time on the clock and if Mikey isn't tripping over his own feet he leaps and dodges right down to score. Leave to little time on the clock and while the cage-defense ties up five players the rest of team might take some serious lumps.

At the half it was a tie game of one to one.

Wisely, Fat Tony had deferred to recieve the ball first in the second half and that played into the Finks trap too. Mikey redeemed himself early and scored sending the Finks into the lead while the rest of the team got some respite.

The Pactastics, true to form, received the ball from the Finks kicker and trudged down the field in the 'cage'.

Now, Skaven coaches always argue over the merits of a 'rat ogre' on the team. Some say they can just bash a cage into nothing and others seem to think that they are unnecessary. The Finks have done without an ogre and will continue to do so for now.

Little Nicky and Momo the 1st had their work cut our for them and tried to prevent the 'cage' from advancing. Momo's claws knocked plenty of players down but Nicky was able to send one off the field for a few plays. The rest of the Finks looked for openings and actually knocked the ball our of Esmerelda's hands but she was able to escape and recover the ball and... scored.

Clock management was critical this game and Jay got impatient. It was obvious he was going to play for the tie but the 'Rat Swarm' (the fans) began chanting and it must have unnerved the veteran coach. Seeing his players being knocked to the turf and being out of position also contributed to Jay's decision to score and leave enough time on the clock for Mikey to leap and dodge the Finks to a victory of three to two.

The Finks record is 4-3-1 going into the last game of the season and it looks good that they will get a playoff spot but it is unclear if they will get a first round 'bye'. Two other teams might have s lightly better record then the Finks with a couple of  tied games versus the losses the Finks received.

Game Nine is scheduled for this Saturday night against the Phoenix Hellrasiers... and all woman amazon team.

The Finks seem to be in good shape. Things cold be a little better. It is what it is at this point and the gold in the treasury continues to grow for the third and final season but care still needs to be taken. Some one is most likely to be cut and everyone is playing to the best of their abilities so they won't be the one who is cut after the playoffs finish.

I leave you with the icing on the cake for the evening... Little Nicky has finally figured out how  to hit the 'big guys' on his turns and we are looking forward to seeing him use the 'dauntless' skill to even things out with the likes of ogres and trolls.

I invite you all for the season closer in the corner which is sure to be another exciting game.

Till next match...

Official Fink Lawyer and Spokesman
John Walker Redd
Retired Cornerstone Blocker


  1. Amazons and rats...there's an off color joke in there somewhere. Where the hell is Synn when you need him?

  2. SinSynn is probably delving into the 'box' he got last night... that or XBOX...

    Amazon and Rats... Trying to get the cheese one way or the other,

  3. Oh gawd pleeze tell me you didn't get beat up by a buncha girlz.

    Wait, so 'SinSynn' failed to dodge some big lizards...
    Is he ok?
    Put him on a morphine drip...he'll be fine...