Sunday, March 9, 2014

Captain's Log... Losing and Winning...

Used without permission from these guys -

Look! Another post! Amazing isn't it?!

Over the last two weeks I have been busy getting the corner ready for sale. It seems that the Irish Princess is ready for a larger corner with a garage. Me too...

However, I have managed to play in a tournament for Blood Bowl and get in the first match of our leagues 8th season.

Let me talk about 'losing' for a moment. Losing is completely different then failing. Professional athletes that compete lose. It's not that big of a deal. don't take me wrong... I don't want to lose all the time and on many occasions I need to be tricked into thinking I still have a chance but losing happens. It is what it is...

It's not the 'most spanked' it's called 'The Goose' ! As in goose egg...

Yes... that is my mugshot. The one on the right is me for those of you who want to get cute... and when I say 'those of you' I really mean all of you. Just kidding... I can take some ribbing.

The trophy is for last place from the 7 Cities Tournament I went to on the 22nd of February in Hampton Virginia. Atomic Comics hosted us and has been in the area for many years. The organizer, a man by the name Nate Beem, worked for the store years ago and knows the owner. The theme he has in mind is playing in 'seven' different venues around the Hampton roads area in the local stores.

I know some of you are thinking... 'Last Place'... you guys give out trophies for 'showing up'?! WTF!!!!... or it's equivalent.

Blood Bowl is brutal. It punishes you for failure. Coming in last is common even among excellant players due to a variety of causes. In our league we call it 'the most spanked'! Jeremiah Dillon our league organizer typically gets a cheap trophy of a ping pong player for last place... and I will just leave it at that!

The last place trophy is not for 'just showing up'. In the leagues I have visited it is a token for showing support for an event. It's not like you show up planning on losing. In my case I may have slanted the roster I used to try some things out (I used the event for practice for our local league), but I didn't get quarter to anyone I faced. Several of the coaches that were at the event noticed how well I played despite my roster and then getting hammered in the game. I may have lost but they went home limping!


If only the award presenters looked like this...

As I said earlier I was able to get in the first game of our local season last night.

It was a back and forth event with my team of skaven playing a new lizardman team run by  man named Chris Kenny.

Chris is a great man to hang out with if you can get past the fact he is from England. He's here with a company that does machine work  and we are fortunate to have him and his  family around.

Chris went from playing High Elves (fast and agile) to playing Lizards (above average speed but some strong line-crocs.) I think it is going to get some taking used to for Chris to get his hands around the team. I was able to throw his game a little by knocking out some of his big guys on and off the pitch and then was able to speed my way to the endzone. My dice weren't with me at one point but it was ok and I managed to pull out a win.

Below is recap... in my own style...

Crime Report #1

Coaches of the SPRBBL...

John Walker Redd here as the part time writer for the a dirty team of rats called the Finks.

Seeing as how the CornerStones were disbanded by league rules, I have gone back into retirement but couldn't afford enough whiskey to keep me drunk without the game I love. Such is the life of a dwarf. The Finks promise of 'all the wine and cheese' I could eat was a poor attempt to hire my services, but surprisingly the rats can make some good whiskey if put to the task. I assure you that there are no long term side affects... for now.... that I know of... I think...

This is the second season for the Finks. Their coach, 'Fat Tony', is not taking 'no' for an answer, so it came down to the bribe of drink to write for them and the fact that I can keep my legs. He's very persuasive.  I should also mention he is not taking 'losing' sitting down, since the wild animal in him, wouldn't allow it anyway. Since he can't play he might as well kick a few rats around for good measure and shape them into a team with some potential... and get to kill a few in the process. I suspect its the later that keeps him from being locked up in some cage for the safety of all concerned.

Tonight was the opening night for the Finks playing the Bayou Brawlers from some very forgettable protected lizard reserve... or your local sewers. I can't get any of them to answer sooo... you pick! Rats can be so tight lipped sometimes.

The Brawlers are a new team to the league and in their first season they are still getting an education in what not to do. Fat Tony made sure they knew whose pitch it was despite having less fans in the stadium on his side. The fan factor was definitely in favor of the brawlers... but that would change.

The first half of the game saw the Brawlers receiving the ball and scoring quickly. It was a high price to pay with two of the larger lizards knocked out and a portion of the team knocked down on the pitch. One little skink did manage to score, but would be killed (dead, apothecary, dead). It was suggested that fowl play was used, but no weapons were found in the possession of the Finks after the warrant was served. Police should know better when it comes to dirty rats. Just saying...

At the half it was a tie score of 2 - 2.

The second half would start well for the Finks but Raphael 'The Wolf' couldn't sprint down the field to the end zone and tripped over his own two feet. That would have put the Finks ahead early and in some ways it was for the best. I keep telling those line-rats they have to 'create the gap' but they just don't listen. Rats... what are you going to do.

Now lizard men aren't know for strategy but did delay the game as long as possible to prevent the one turn touchdown 'wolf' to score but in this writers opinion they got impatien. They know Lucky Mikey can run down the field faster then any other gutter runner on his team and yet gambled. Never gamble with a rat... you will lose more than the cheese.

Mikey paid for his salary, and protection, by scoring the last touchdown of the game and winning the match for the Finks. Due to his spectacular performance he was nominated as the game MVP for his team. The Brawlers looked a bit roughed up but besides the death of some 'no name' skink they were none the worse for wear.

I myself am glad the match is over. Local security was paying too close en eye on the Finks (even though they are rats) for my taste. It may have been that there was an over abundance of 'thefts' while the game clock was running. I swear Fat Tony had a few extra 'gold' chains around his neck when he left the field but I plead the fifth due to health reasons and the love of my fingers.

With the season up and running at the last minute the schedule for the Finks is chaotic but I am assured that there are a few suc... coaches... yes, coaches... that need a game for their team. I am also sure the police need some 'incentive' to ease up on the rats who want to play in the most  brutal game ever invented.

I am glad to be back chronicling the blood in the sand and despite the slight almond taste to the whiskey, I am glad to be with a team.

Till next time... check your wallets as you leave the room...

Official Fink Lawyer and Spokesman
John Walker Redd
Retired Cornerstone Blocker


  1. We used to have that in snowboarding. A lot of the competitions I went to they had a $1 novelty cheques for the person who came in last. If you knew you were competing for last place you would pull out all your cheesiest moves to see who would get the one dollar spot ;)

  2. Zab...

    It is always nice to read a comment from you... not that I want to pick out curtains and move in together but nice none the less. :P

    In April on the 5th we are having one of our semi-annual tournaments here in Richmond. I'll have to get a shot of the spring events 'Most Spanked' trophy but...

    I'm thinking of giving away the custom pitch I am working on to last place... That will throw the proverbial 'monkey wrench' into things!

    thanks again,


  3. What the hell? Curtains? In a corner?! I was considering asking you to move in, but now? No. Our sense of style is clearly to far apart to mesh properly o_O I bet whomever gets that custom pitch will love it. Unless it comes with curtains...

  4. Dirty rats.
    Dey musta cheated....
    Poor Lizards, leavin' with black eyes and all their stuffs missing, carrying their dead lil' skink buddy, who took one for da team...
    It ain't fair, I'm tellin' ya....