Monday, November 24, 2014

Captain's Log... This is Bloodbowl!...

Used without permission from these guys: CoolMiniOrNot

Not much hobby but three nights of Blood Bowl in our local league. High Elves, Chaos Dwarves, and Chaos Pact. All these games were for division positioning. We have two divisions in our local league and the top three in each are going to the playoffs. With only five games... every, game, counts! Frustration with 'dice', not my playing, is kicking me in my A$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!

The Washington Ratskins's spokesman can tell you more about the matches...

Friday Night Shoot Out! - Match One...

Ladies, Gentlemen, and all the Rats without a velvet pillow to sit on! I am coherent this night and negotions are still ongoing with my return to the game of Blood Bowl where blood and bacon reign and tastes good too!

Let me begin... with a snack and then the match rundowns...

Playing the High Elves stinks. Those lofty, dandelion eating, tree hugging, blood bowl players always smell like roses. They stink! I suggest rolling around with a wet dog for awhile or wading through some smelly garbage. Just get rid of the Oil of Olay and rose water. And they don't eat meat! Who doesn't like bacon?! The English Knights, that's who! However, rumors have it that the coach of the 'Knights' has been caught with 'pork' on his breath... claimed to be residue smells only from a 'League' function where bacon was served. A likely story...

The game itself was interesting.

The Ratskins didn't want to play the elves but a few inducements in the form of some Bloodwieser Babes helped them get onto the field of play. Having them would help the rats, anyone really, get over being knocked around. A couple of pints of  'Bladnoch Rat X' will get anyone up and moving... maybe to the outhouse, but moving none the less.

The actual play was back and forth and the coaching staff of the Knights couldn't get them motivated (bad dice rolls, lack of re-rolls) while playing.

In the end the Knights were deficient even after killing off one of the newly recruited gutter runners, 'Skuttle'. Never fear though, Skuttles offspring 'Skuttle Jr.' would be taking his place. In tribute, I myself ate 'Skuttle Sr.' with some of the 'Bladnoch Rat X' smothered in barbaque sauce... of course in memory of his 'short lived' service to the team.

Forget the ball, eat the player!

...and we won. Let me not forget to mention that fact.

Saturday Night Slaughter - Match Two...

At the last moment a schedule dilemma opened up a game for the 'Ratskins'  to play a team of  chaotic mutated dwarves called 'Ice Bruised'. Hailing from some place south and cold, the team sports some hobgoblins, dwarves with pointy hats, and bull centaurs. They like to beat people up because that is what they do. They are good at it too.

Damn them! Those damn dirty stunties!

First block of the game killed 'Skuttle Jr.'. He was tasty like his father and the cheese sauce went well with the fried rat tail. My dinner and start of the game set the tone for the rest of the match.

Line-rats with only two games under their belt were crippled (Minus strength on one, minus movement on a second) by the cloven hooves of the runty hobgoblins and stunty dwarves. A third line rat was pummeled out of action for the rest of the game and the  fourth line rat just disappeared on the the pitch. Seriously, he literally fertilized the grass and only left a stain on the field. It's a shame... I could have added him to some ice cream topped with a cherry and ate him as a desert. Maybe next time.

The Ratskins  were pretty beat up by the time regular play expired and none to soon. Losing two players to death and three missing the next game. What are you going to do?..


 'Skuttle the 1st', offspring of 'Skuttle Jr.', and four journey-rat recruits were brought to the team while depleting the treasury is what you do. I'm not unhappy that the Alpha Rat for the Ratskins can't get his team motivated (bad, terrible, horrendous dice rolls). As long as they keep feeding me meat and drink I'll make do... for now. And we had better make it to the playoffs since we won this match... just saying. Using up the team makes for a great meal but not for long term play. Sigh...

Hand me another journey-rat (temporary fill in player to get teams to eleven players)!!!!!... and the 'Bloodwieser'!!!!!

Don't you judge me! I fill a very important function with the 'Ratskins'. We're a 'green' team and recycle as much as possible... like players who can be used as fodder and a half-time snack. Saves us money too when it comes to sanitation costs.

Where was I? Oh, yes...

Sunday Afternoon Sack - Match Three...

Beat up but ready to take the pitch, the 'Ratskins' faced the chaos pact of the SPR Renegades.

Any game is tough for rats that have to face big guys. The 'Pact' has three of them in the form of an ogre, minotaur, and troll. The troll was the best smelling one of the bunch unlike the elves. He distinctly smelled of swampy bog and stagnant water. It borught tears to my eyes because it made me just that hungry and longing for the good days where a rat could be a rat.These days some one wants you to do this or 'don't eat your own players while they have the ball' or 'move over there' instead of bashing everyone around me (including our own players). Really?! A rat has to do what a rat has to do.

Knowing the strength of the Renegades the Ratskins elected to recieve the ball with a full team on offense. Ghosts from another retired team... *cough*... *Finks*... *cough*...excuse me... would plague them. Normally we like a good plague but not on the ptich where it distracts you.

The 'Pact' like to get ahead and grind it out. Fortunately at half-time the game was tied at one a piece for each team.

The second half was grim.

Six players lined up to kick to the Renegades ten 'player' team. SPR would have had eleven players but the 'one turn touch down' goblin playbook was thwarted by knocking him out of play. Goblins aren't even worth eating... too many bones. Give me dwarf or another rat any day!

Early on we lost another rat and had to depend on five players to get the job done. The horde was looking mighty thin again but with less injuries compared to 'Ice Bruised'
The Renegades ground the team down to four remaining plays in the half and tried to stall to win, but got impatient allowing a slight chance at a tie. Argee III, the thrower, did manage to get the ball after the 'Pact' scored (taking the lead) but was sacked time and time again thorughout the second half despite some fancy footwork on the part of the runners and some passing down the field. Double and triple coverage of all the players is and uphill battle and tough to overcome.

In the end, 'SPR' is building their team just like they have in the past and their play style is progressing as expected with another win in thier column. Some things never change with the 'returning' Season - 9 champions. At least it was a home game and dead fans were a 'plethora'.

I personally hope that 'decapitated' arm of the dark elf 'Esmerelda' hinders her. She does has a way of 'leaping' back into the game and ignoring seriuos injuries. Her arm had a delightfull flavor but there was barely enough for an apetizer. Such is life...

Recapping the weekend, the Ratskins are 2-1-0 in division play and 2-1-1 in overall play with two division matches left and two challenge matches open for building team confidence and practice.

It doesn't look like the Ratskins will aquire enough gold to hire my services due to deaths and the need for more line-rats and an apothecary. I will keep on being their spokesman behind the team and hope for more... juicy... delicious... ahhhh... matches to be played and to keep my appetite under control... while the refs are looking of course.

SinSynn, 'Three-Arms' the Beast, Rat Ogre
Official Washington Ratskins Spokesman

1 comment:

  1. RIP- Scuttles Sr & Jr.
    Best o' luck, Scuttles da 1st.

    I sure hope yer spokesman doesn't eat you.
    Not cool, brah. Not cool.
    I mean, not judging, but...these guys gotta get their game on, and you're EATING them.
    Sheesh where's the love? And don't you DARE say 'in mah belly.'